E Verses K
by AmarieC
Summary: It is the final straw, and now, violently, the Eds must tell the Kankers off. But the difficulty of this task might event take over Eddy's best ideal.
1. Chapter 1

E Verses K

As Told By the Veterans

The Eds have had it and now it's time for some visual aids, bloody visual aids. But, will it work, or get them more lipstick stains?

Oh, you should read my other stories first, to fully understand everything. But, of course, the Eds verses the Kankers is an epic battle that every Edfan understands.

Rated T for violence, mild gore, and sensuality.

Chapter One

"Drop the Straws"

"Wrench," Edd requested with his hand coming out from under a cardboard box lifted on four wheels and axles. Eddy stood by with a tool box at his feet. He bent over slowly and picked through the very disorganized box. He stood and plopped the tool into his friend's soft hand. "Thank you Eddy."

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy yawned and blinked heavily. Since Kanker attacks were becoming more frequent, they decided to work early in the morning when the Kankers were not known to attack. Ed came over with empty boxes, a filthy toilet seat, a small bag of cans, and a large quilt. He set the trash down and looked at Eddy yawn once more.

"You have a long tongue Eddy!' he smiled. His friend stared at him with a serious face, then behind him. The tired look instantly transformed to complete terror. Ed looked to where Eddy was and saw three gross young women.

"We need to smooth out this schedule cupcakes," Lee tapped her toes and folded her arms together. At the sound of her voice, Edd jumped and hit his head on the contraption he was building. He dug into his pocket and desperately pulled out a walkie-talkie. He pushed a button. A long beep rang out and he dropped the device. He began to crawl under the box. All of a sudden two hands grabbed his ankles and began to pull him in the opposite direction to where he was crawling.

"No please! Sto-o-op!" he was flipped onto his back and he saw his attacker. Marie applied her usual blood-red lip color. She grabbed him by the neck and pulled him up to lip level. He stared into her cold eyes, "Please, I don't want to kiss you. I'll pay you, anything."

"I love it when you beg," she laughed and began to kiss him. Ed was in May's controlling arms as she placed kiss marks on his face.

"Ahhh! Icky! Groooossss!" he hollared.

Lee giggled over her victim, "Let me go jerk!"

"Put them down!" a deep, agitated, angry voice yelled. May looked to the voice's source. Their cousin was staring at Marie and Edd.

Marie growled, "I'm not hurting him Vesta!" Veronica grabbed her hands and took them off of Edd. She took him into her arms so he would not fall from fear and so she could not grab him back. Edd held onto his rescuer. She set him down gently and then roughly began to attack Marie. After beating her, she moved to May. She kicked her in the leg and Ed scrambled away. Veronica shoved May to the ground and went to Lee. She was beating Eddy while snatching at his body.

"Leave me alone!" he tried to hit her but she plummeted and hugged him. Veronica punched her in the back. She pulled her off him and shoved her next to May. Panting and frowning, she began her lecture.

"What is wrong with you three? This is against the law for crying out loud! Leave them alone!"

"You can't tell us what to do, we love them and want to show them that!" Lee argued.

"Oh shut up, if you love someone you never would intentionally give them that!" she pointed to a bruise on Eddy's face. "Now GO!" The three girls got up and walked off. Veronica turned to her friends. Ed watched those girls; Lee turned her head to them and had a look of vengeance on her face.

"You'll pay, cousin. We'll get our boys."

"Ahh!" Eddy groaned, he sat on his bed, "Those Kankers have to go!" Ed was putting on an eyes patch in the slowest way, as not to hurt his already injured head.

"Eddy there is nothing we can do, we have already tried reverse psychology, turkey basters, and even bribes. None of which has permanently solved our violent dilemma," Edd explained a little distraught himself. However, he had lost Eddy at 'turkey basters'.

"I'm a pirate!" Ed proclaimed happily.

"Well, he can adjust. Have you forgotten about the Kanker jerks already Ed?" Eddy smirked. Ed looked at him with a dim look, then became struck with terror.

"Ahh! Kankers! Pain! Run! Hide! Have mercy! No! I don't like pain!" Ed screamed gesticulating in proper form.

"Shut up Ed, I get it," Eddy frowned, annoyed.

"Kankers hurt Ed!" he began to run to the door. Eddy looked to his bathroom door where Ed's dread stood.

"Come here Eddy!" Lee waved flirtatiously and scooped him up. She started kissing him as Marie charged at Edd. May ran out the door after Ed and ran into Veronica. The two landed on the ground. May ignored her and stood to go after her beloved.

Veronica stood madly, "MAY FELICITY KANKER! You leave him alone now!" May rolled her eyes and began to charge for her. She had a new idea. Lee came from Eddy's house with Marie. They surrounded their straight-set cousin with vicious looks in their eyes. 

Eddy sat up and wiped the lipstick off his lips. He looked around to find Edd unconscious. He heard a loud, agonizing sound came from out his open door.

"Ah, let go!"

"Shut up you pest!"

"No! Please!" that was the last he heard of that voice in pain, Kanker giggling prevailed. Lee came back into the room. May and Marie followed lugging a gored Veronica. Eddy gasped but remained motionless in fear. They carried her to the bathroom and dropped her mercilessly. Eddy heard a large thud that brought tears to his bulged eyes. May came from the bathroom and went into the closet. She came back with belts. She came back with belts. She disappeared into the bathroom again. Eddy scrambled to Edd and shook him.

"Double D," he whispered, "Get up. We're in trouble, Veronica's hurt." His friend revived at that and looked around.

"Where is she?" Eddy pointed. They watched the bathroom door hearing whines from behind it's oak finish. Edd clenched his hands. Ed came back into the room. The two boys looked at him with sorrow in their eyes.

"We're dead," Eddy mumbled, "We have to g..." Lee came out of the bathroom with her sisters, each had bloody hands. They looked around; the Eds were gone.

"Ed?" May called.

"Don't cry May, we'll find 'em," Marie complained. They headed out the door to look for them. Four minutes later, three heads popped into the doorway.

"See them?" Eddy asked.

"No Eddy," Ed walked into the room. Edd followed in a sulk. He ran into the bathroom and screamed.

"What Double D!" Eddy yelled, then he remembered. "Oh no." Ed and Eddy rushed over. There, tied to the toilet, was Veronica. She was never supposed to get beaten, she was always supposed to scare her unruly kin off. This time, she had failed miserably. "Untie her!" Edd scrambled to get the ligatures away from her body, they dripped blood onto the floor. Ed carried her out of the bathroom and lay her on Eddy's bed. She woke up and stared at them.

"Why are you guys crying?" she asked, sounding completely normal. She frowned at them.

"They beat you," Edd touched one of the wounds on her arms.

"Oh," she looked at herself, "Now I feel it."

Suddenly they heard voices approaching the house, "Maybe they came back here."

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," Ed trembled, "We've got to go." They scurried into Eddy's hallway and escaped out the front door.

"My house!" Edd directed but Eddy stopped in the middle of the road. His friends halted.

'What are you doing Eddy?" Ed asked.

"I'm done running. They are just going to get us again!"

"It's all we can do," Edd tried to persuade.

"I say we fight!" he slammed hi s fist into his palm. They stared at him in disbelief. He must have been suicidal.

"Look at Veronica Eddy," Ed whined, "If she can't win, we can't."

"Alone, no. But together... what's the chances of them winning?"

"Ninety-nine point nine percent Eddy," Edd sighed, "Don't make us do this, please."

"Are you saying you like it when they beat and touch us until we can get away? It makes me want to puke. I've had enough. Haven't you? Enough is enough, let's give them their dues!"

THE END

Please review. It's going get much better real fast. Next chapter, Resistance.


	2. Resistance

E Verses K

As Told by the Veterans

Chapter two

"Resistance"

Lee sat on her couch watching the third sequel to "Under the Sea". May came into the trailer panting.

"I looked everywhere Lee, they are hiding worth a sandwich in a diner!"

"Keep looking," her sister never even looked at her. May frowned. Marie came in madder than May.

"Lee? Get off your fat, miserable can. You're helping us too." Lee stood up and shoved Marie to the door.

"No I'm not, I said YOU do it. So do it. Those boys can't be that hid, you're just lazy."

"You are the one who's lazy!" Marie grabbed the remote from her prying hands and threw it on the ground. "You aren't my boss Lee!"

"Yeah I am," Lee tossed her and May out the door and slammed it shut.

"I guess she is Marie," May said with her face stuck in a tree trunk. Marie growled. 

Edd gently brushed alcohol on Veronica's cheek. She watched him with a smile on her face. This made Edd loose his concentration and he stared back at her. Eddy came in the room. Edd truned to him, ready to taunt, "Eddy how do you plan to defeat the Kanker sisters?"

"Ha, you can be skeptic 'cause Ed, her, and I are the muscle that will handle these weapons. Ed?" Eddy looked to the door leading into the garage. No one came. Eddy got impatient real fast, "Ed get in here!" Ed came in with garden tools in his arms.

"That's ten ninety-five shipping and handling sir!" he said. Edd studied the hoe, the metal rakes, and the shovel alarmed.

"Are you serious? This could kill them."

"We won't kill them, we'll just scare to get our point across," Eddy put his finger on one of the rake spokes at "point".

"I hope so Eddy," Edd swallowed hard.

"Ok, we will separate them and take them down one by one. We'll beat them and stick the rakes to their necks and demand them to leave us alone." Eddy smiled at his 'genius'. He poked the end of the rake spoke again, "They will get the point."

"Enough puns Eddy."

It was the fourth of June, about six in the afternoon. We marched through the heavy foliage of the woods. Ed led us to the end of the trees and stopped. There, ahead of us, was our destination. The trailer looked like silver in the blazing sun. I tugged at my shirt for air.

"Quiet," Eddy led us to the side of the trailer. We stood under a window. He directed his index finger to the left and headed that way with his knees bent so his strands of hair were not visible from the window. He trudged to the steps of the door and beat the door with his shovel. I swallowed hard and sweat. This was it. The adrenaline ran through me. Ed licked his dry lips. Veornica tightened her grip on her rake. I looked at mine. Could I really use this weapon? Too late to turn back, the door squeaked open.

"Eddy!" May smiled, "We were looked for you short ca..." she looked at the shovel in his fists. Gazing into his eyes, she became nervous. Before she could yell for Lee and Marie, Eddy grabbed her viciously and threw her off the steps. She landed in a pile of moist soil as Eddy slammed the trailer door shut. He hurled his shovel above his head and turned to May. She lifted her head and turned to me leaning agianst her trailer. Then she looked at Eddy. He began to laugh maniacally. May stood and grabbed the shovel from him.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" he backed up as she began to hit him with his shovel. Veronica hither int hte legs witht ht rake. Ed followed, giving her a timid strike int he arm. He did it so lightly that May did not notice. The blonde turned to VEronica. The trailer door opened and Lee yelled.

"WHAT'S THIS?"

"It's an insurrection Lee!" May intersected the shovel with Veronica's rake. Lee grabbed Ed's hoe, but he would not let go. He lifted the hoe with her on it and flung her behind him. Marie came out and hit Ed on the head iwth a frying pan. Eddy grabbed May's head and put his fingers in her eye sockets. Veronica took this opportunity and retrieved the shovel. Ed poked Marie on accident with the hoe. She hit him on the head again. I watched helplessly. I tried to move my legs to help Eddy and Veornica as Lee came back from her flight with a tree branch, but I could not move.

"Double D, stop standing there!" Eddy demanded taking the shovel from Veronica and hitting Lee's branch with it. Lee lifted the shovel off her branch and hit Eddy with it in the head. He went down, dropping the shovel. Ed kept accidently hitting Marie with the hoe when he dodged her frying pan so dropped it. She picked up the hoe and laughed with satisfaction. Ed ran off. May was about to be hit witht the rake Veronica manuvered so she grabbed it with both her hands. Veronica tried to shake her off, wobbling her around. Eddy backed up into Veronica, making her lose her footing. The rake fell out of her hands and into May's control. May, Marie, and Lee charged at Eddy and Veronica. Eddy held onto Veronica scared of the future pain. I was forced to do what I thought I could not. 

Those jerks came at me. Veronica was sitting on my arm. We both stared up at the tyrants. They laughed shaking our weapons. Lee put the rake under my chin and lifted my head to make eye contact.

"Good job bunny. Now we're going to beat you too." I heard a thump and Lee fell over to my left. Double D stood in her place. I couldn't believe he had whacked her. He looked at May and Marie who began to hit him. He shielded himself with his rake.

"Run," he begged us as he tried to hold up the two. I listened, Ed passed me to the fight.

"Come on Double D!" he yelled shoving Veronica to follow me. Edd hit Marie's hoe as she almost hit him. May charged with the rake. Edd saw her and quickly dropped his rake to join us in retreat.

"Run away!"

"Come back cowards!" Marie yelled. I didn't look back, but followed Ed as fast as I could to who knows where. We needed to run, to any place. I looked to my right,

Double D was struggling to keep up with us. Ed ran fast, I was almost loosing them. I didn't want to, but I looked behind me. The Kankers were twenty feet away, but they were coming up fast.

"Oh no," I mumbled. We couldn't run forever, we needed some where to hide. We past trees and bushes, trees and bushes. I had an idea; I couldn't shout it. I needed to get ahead of Ed so that I could lead. So I used all my energy to run ahead of Ed. It was so hard, I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. Finally I did it. It turned left and they followed me. Then I ran right. I looked back. The Kanker's weren't in sight, but I could still hear their yells. This was my chance. I dived into a large bush that was i front of me insteadd of running. After laying there for a second with branches snapping under me, I felt three bodies land on me. We lay quiet. I could see th groud form where I lay, I hoped the Kanker's wouldn't see me. A pair of shoes ran past, then two more going left. I sighed, my brilliant plan had worked. But how long was it until the found us?

THE END

Actiony huh? See, the "As told by the veterans" thing was right, they are now telling what happened. Review please. Next chapter, "Night and Day".


	3. Night and Day

E verses K

As Told by the Veterans

Chapter Three

"Night and Day"

We sat there for three minutes making no movements. It was quiet except for some birdies. I felt a leg in my gut, it wasn't mine.

"Get off me," Eddy moaned. Edd got off Veronica, she got off me, and I got off Eddy. We sat up in the bush. It had red berries and pretty green leaves. We pulled branches out of our faces so we could see each other. I could hear May calling out for us.

"Great plan Eddy, 'let's fight the Kanker sisters'. They are bound to find us," Double D complained taking his elbow off of Veronica's shoulder. Eddy found his legs and straightened them.

"Oh shut up, if you had helped sooner, we would've won."

"Really," Double D mocked him.

"Let's go to my house!"

"Shush Ed," Eddy frowned, he was mad.

"Yeah, let's go to his house," Veronica stuck her head out of the bush and looked around carefully, "The coast is clear boys. Let's run. Be quiet thought." We climbed out of the beaten bush we had sat on and lowered our bodies close to the ground.

"Sorry bush," I apologized. Then we sprinted for my house. Luckily we didn't get caught. The sun went down behind us, putting shadows on everything. It reminded me of 'Shadowed Death: The aches in my platypus'. I opened my back door and we rushed in. Double D fell on the floor and just lay there funny. Eddy fell into a chair and Veronica sat next to Double D. I locked every door and window in my house and then sat down on my couch. Veornica pet Double D's head.

"Are you alright Double D?" she asked.

"I'm so tired," he answered lifting his head slowly to look at her. My stomach made a huge, loud, noisy noise. Eddy looked at me weird.

"Who else is hungry?" I asked.

"Me," Veronica sighed checking out a cut on Double D's neck.

"I am also," he moaned.

"Got any sandwiches Ed?" Eddy got up and followed me to my kitchen.

"I've got lima beans Eddy, oh, and buttered toast!"

Veronica came downstairs with that dreaded bottle of alcohol, bandages, and a roll of toilet paper she was hesitant to touch. I tried to retreat.

"No Double D, those tools were rusty. I'm cleaning you up." I sat down on the floor and she got down right next to me. She began her cleaning with the gash on my neck. Her hands trembled as she applied the cool alcohol to my neck.

"OW!" I had tried to hold it in. Ed came back into the den with a plate of toast.

"Bone apetite!" he said taking one and consuming it in a single bite. Eddy sat on the chair with a bowl of lima beans.

"Ed, I hate beans."

"No Eddy, they are lima beans." He rolled his eyes. I picked up a peice of toast and nibbled into it.

"Tomorrow we'll get back out there and beat those Kankers. This time... no mercy!" Eddy said between spoonfulls of beans. I stared at him in surprise.

"We will just loose again. We were fortunate to escape this time. We should just avoid them until they forget the whole thing."

"They won't forget. They started this by fighting Veronica. The game has changed, those jerks are more violent now. We can't allow this, we nedd to stop them!" Eddy argued. He had this morale in his voice that I could not understand.

"I will not fight again! I only fought because you and Veronica were in danger. I will not fight again!' Eddy was crazy. He stood and set the bowl down then went to the garage. "Where are you going?"

"We are going to need new weapons."

That night I lay awake in a sleeping bag next the couch. Veronica looked down at me from the couch I had insisted she sleep on. Eddy was in the chair; Ed in the other. It was so dark and quiet, I could hear her whisper.

"Double D, Eddy's fighting for the change you've always hoped would come."

"I did not want to go to the extremes of violence," I satup and looked into her eyes. "I always wished they would grow out of their behavior."

"I know, but what if this is the only way? You said it yourself, you've tried everything else."

It was cloudy when I woke up. Double D, Veronica, and Ed were eating chunky puffs in the kitchen. I picked up the box and got out a bowl. I tipped the box over but no cereal came out.

"What? You guys ate it all?" I became mad and dropped the box.

"Sorry Eddy."

"There are still some lima beans," Ed offered.

"No thanks Ed." Sarah came into the room. She glared at me.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Ever hear of a sleepover brat?"

She growled, "Get some clothes on jerk!" I looked down at my boxers and undershirt then left the room. Surprisingly, Double D didn't give me any more lip as we set out for the trailer park with snow shovels, metal shovels. We snuck over to the trailer. Ed looked through the screen door.

"Waldo isn't here Eddy."

"Not Waldo you idiot. Are the KANKERS there?" I asked eagerly. Ed shook his head.

"They are probably still asleep," Veronica said. She tried to jump to see in the bedroom window.

"Give me a boost," I said getting near the wall. She picked me up. "Ed, I still can't see nothing."

"Double negatives Eddy..." Double D mumbled.

"Yeah whatever," I replied as Ed picked Veronica up onto his shoulders. Now I could see in the window. Three bodies lay in one big bed. While I was wondering why three teenagers would ever sleep in the same bed, Ed lost his balance and we fell to the ground.

"What's that noise?" I heard Marie ask crankily.

"Oh great," I got up.

"Oh my," Double D gasped.

"Oh crap," Veronica sighed picking up her shovel.

"Oh me!" Ed yelled laughing.

"Be quiet Ed!" I demanded poking him in the gut with my shovel handle. The trailer door burst open from the right of the trailer. It banged against the trailer wall hard. "Get them to chase you. We need them separated."

THE END

Ooo, last chapter, "Butternut", it up next. Please review. Any critism, tips, anything, if you have any thoughts, please share them. I like reviews. And if you flame, give a good reason.


	4. Butternut

E Verses K

As Told by the Veterans

Don't ask me why this chapter is called Butternut, I just felt like it.

Chapter Four

"Butternut"

I listened to Eddy and ran out in front of the Kankers. They all started after me; they had a rolling pin, spatula, and broom in their hands.

"Get him!" May yelled. Ahhh! May's lips, gross! Double D was pushed in sight by Eddy and Lee went after him. He ran off terrified. Eddy started to run with me, followed by Veronica.

"Split up Ed," Eddy yelled. I ran left, he went right. I looked behind me, May was following me! She quickly overcame me and began kissing me. I picked up the shovel I had dropped and tried to hit her but I couldn't. Mommy's voice rang in my head.

"Do not hit girls Edward." May kissed my cheek, my forehead, my lips... but then Veronica came up and hit her on the head with the bottom of my shovel. May passed out on me. I took her off and Veronica helped me up.

"Aw, May's sleeping!" I looked at her making Zzzz's. Lee came up dragging Double D by the arm. "Kanker!" Veronica charged at her with the shovel and Lee counterattacked with her rolling pin. Back, forth, strike, whack! They couldn't get a hit into the other. Veronica lifted her shovel high and swung it down but it came out of her hands when Lee smacked it. Veronica backed up to Double D and tried to pick him up.

"Let's run Ed."

"Oh no you don't," Lee hit her hand off Double D. He crawled behind Veronica scared.

I ran behind a tree as Marie ran past me. She stopped and looked around. I slipped to the other side of the tree as she got closer to me. My sweaty hands held onto my shovel.

"Eddy?" she called, she jumped right in front of me and pinned me to the tree. I dropped my shovel next to her spatula. She smiled at me with greedy eyes. Puckering, she reached in for a kiss. I put my arms around her and let her have what she wanted. She pressed her body against me but I just plummeted her to the ground. She froze under me. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like baby?" I began to neck her roughly.

"I'm supposed to do this to you, not the other way around!"

"You like it don't you?" She didn't answer for awhile, then she punched me in the shoulder. I yelled and got off her. She picked up my shovel and I could only watch as she threw it up into the air, then pull it down into my head. 

I regained consciousness on a tacky orange carpet. Eddy and Ed lay beside me. I heard a struggle and blows so I sat up. There, Lee and May were holding Veronica still as Marie beat her. Marie opened the trailer door and her sisters threw Veronica outside. I began to cry. Ed and Eddy woke up at those monster's laughing.

"Ahhh! Kanker!" Ed yelled. May smiled at his twitching. I did not look at Marie, but at the doorway. Eddy looked around for Veronica in vain.

"Where is she?"

Lee looked at Marie with a smirk, "See, I told you she had stolen their hearts from us."

May grabbed Ed, "As much as I love your feistiness lately, I want to kiss you, not fight you Ed."

"No!" Ed yelled trying to push away. Marie grabbed me and put her lips to mine. I squirmed and tried to push her away. I grabbed her hands and shoved her to the ground. Eddy looked at me and my violence in sheer amazement. Lee went to Eddy but he punched her in the face. Ed picked May up and gently set her down. Lee roared and stood to go at Eddy. He kicked her down and then in the side.

"We've had enough of you!" Eddy put his foot on Lee's neck and she froze. "You leave us alone you pathetic pervert. We're sick of you, and we won't take anymore!" I pushed Marie down as she got up. I did not want to give anyone violence but she had hurt Veronica. Ed pinned May's hands down.

"I can't hit you May, don't fight anymore!" he begged with glass eyes. She was extremely confused.

"Fine," May shrugged him off and frowned.

"Answer me!" Eddy demanded, "Are you going to attack us anymore Lee?" She did not answer a word. "Are you!" She growled at him. "Are you?" He shouted at her with so much anger in his eyes. Eddy is an angry person, but I had no idea. Marie looked up at me.

"Don't you ever touch our Veronica ever again," I said, "We mean business Marie." She looked at Eddy. There was something odd in her eyes, it was... interest.

"ANSWER!" he screamed with a flame in his eyes that terrified and entranced Lee Kanker. She nashed her teeth and gave him a evil eye, which was returned. We listened to Eddy try to get it out of her. History was being made right here, if Lee's stubbornness had an end.

"YES!" Lee shouted back at him. He pressed his foot down a bit, then took it off her.

"Okay boys," he went to the door proudly. I saw Lee get up fast with his shovel and go at him.

"Look OUT!" Marie screamed. Eddy turned, just to be hit in the face. He almost fell, Lee laughed. May grabbed the shovel from her sister.

"Stop it Lee!" she growled, "Cut it out! He'll hurt us." I came over to Eddy and tried to console him as he recovered from his violent push to the trailer wall.

"Are you alright?" we couldn't ignore how Lee's own sisters had turned on her. He glanced at Marie, then walked out. Ed and I followed timidly. I looked back at the bewildered and confused Lee, then ran over to Veronica. Ed scooped her into his arms and we walked off.

"I'm sorry Eddy. I believe it is over now." He smiled at me, wiping blood off his mouth.

"Me three!" Ed smiled.

THE END

P.S. Yeah right.


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